So I auditioned for Project Runway?

Yes, it's true. I have not told many folks but this is the story:

I had just gotten over the new-mother crazies with my first son, Little Paw and had decided to venture back into the world of fashion. At this time my husband was working with The Humane Society of New York and I had to find something to to keep me occupied at home. Being a designer, not even the demands of a 1 year old could keep me from sketching!

I was online checking emails and my sister-in-law sent me this link that she thought I or my artistic husband may be interested in. It was 2004 and there was an ad for designers - designers of all kinds - to come to a hotel in Tribeca with a portfolio of work to compete for a chance to showcase at Bryant Park for Fashion Week. Okay - so maybe I totally missed the fine print that this was an audition for a television show? Well, at that point I was not about to ask someone to take off work to "baby-sit" my son for me, so... I packed him and my portfolio along with some swimsuits I had made. If some of my friends remember that I was deep into swimwear around that time and had gotten some swimsuits made...anyway, I took my Little Paw with me to this "audition" I thought - what could be the harm in that? I show my portfolio, my little press clips and runway pictures of the shows I've done - why not put swimwear on Bryant Park?

I was a House-Wife for crying out loud and I needed some air! Who would pass up the chance to show under the tents? And there was nothing wrong with taking my son - my motivation, with me. I arrived at the hotel (don't ask me the name of it now), with Littles in his high-end stroller and sat in line outside with the other designer hopefuls. I was in between a t-shirt designer and a special occasion dress designer. None of us knew what the heck this audition was for. The ad said "calling ALL designers" and every designer came - people who made scarfs, children's clothing, someone was there who designed socks - NO ONE knew what they were there for. Eventually after about 2 hours passed, my name was called and I entered the room where they were holding the other designers before me. The girl that was ushering me in pined over Littles and let me leave the stroller in the hall, "Aw...he's so cute" she said to my little bundle of joy. "Thank You" I replied as I looked up at these blinding lights and camera crew that were around the room. I thought to myself - why in the world are they filming this? What is this some kind of TV show? No - it couldn't be.

Little's and I were seated off to the side as a woman showing her scarves to 2 people that were seated behind a table covered with black cotton cloth. The man was tall and tailored with short white/silver hair and the woman was blonde and very pretty. The girl that brought us in asked me if it was alright to look at my portfolio while we waited my turn. She told me my swimsuits were hot and that when I go up there - just be natural and not to be shy...I really was not prepared to be filmed. I am not a camera fan. It was a rainy day after all and I had been waiting for 2 hours – I was still a part-time, breast feeding cow who was itching for her next meal. I played with Littles and gave him his bottle and then, it was my turn. "He can sit here with me while you go up" she said. Well, with all the camera lights I was still reluctant to leave him even for a few feet away. He was such a great baby he gave me no problems and indulged himself with her clipboard and pen while I sat down in front of lights, camera, action!
Okay so by now you know the tall guy was, Tim Dunn because that is what he told me his name was and that I was auditioning for a show that puts a group of designers together to compete for a spot under the tents. He along with the very pretty woman (an Editor from Elle Magazine) flipped through my portfolio and of course thought the designs were "Fierce" as Tim Dunn said. However it was difficult for him to push me forward because I was a swimsuit designer and that the competition would involve having to make dresses or a coat and apparel pieces. I told him that was not a problem for me - but that I did not understand what this was about. Then he asked me - "What would you do with the baby" - we all looked over at Littles..."What do you mean" I asked. "This is a television show and we make all of the designers live with each other for about 6 months and..." Well at that point everything that he and the Elle Editor said went "Womp, whomp, wha, wha." A television show? Who would do such a thing? and Why? Then I thought of Bryant Park and responded as only a Broke Diva could, "I'll get my husband to watch him." Well, we all went into hysterics because that was just not happening.

Tim Dunn thin rubbed his hand across his chin "-I want you on the show just so you can bring the baby, he's gorgeous." He and the Editor agreed however thought that may be a problem. There would be no way that I could - now seeing what Project Runway has become - cut, sew and pull together a collection with poor Littles strapped to a dress-form. Getting mommy-confusion with a busty mannequin covered in muslin with scraps of fabric in place of his pamper. That just would not work. I wanted to do this thing even more once I knew I could not participate. I looked behind them at the black curtain where the "chosen" were able to walk through. It was the most interesting interview I had ever been on. Never in a million would I think there would be a reality show on fashion competition. I said my Good-byes to everyone and was given business cards and told to come back for the next round. I was just happy that they liked what they saw. It was another validation to my craft and why I would tote my 1 year old to the city for a chance to sashay down the runway.

I will never forget that day because when we walked out of the hotel, the sun broke as Littles and I walked down Broadway to China Town. I did stop at Pearl River before we took the descend to the subway home.

I remember telling my husband about it and how I said I would get him to watch the baby. He thought that was hysterical, too. For some reason I did not - I think I was actually considering it. "How and where would we get money from?" he asked me. Being the supportive husband he said, “Are they going to pay you?” Well, of course not and as for means of money, I had not figured that out yet. I figured it would just happen. That is the what a Broke Diva does - she does not always think things through - she just knows it needs to happen. I did not go back to the second calling to reclaim my place. There really wasn't a way to get money to pay rent, etc. while the hubby and Littles waited for me to try to make it to Seventh on Sixth. So I totally forgot about it until I saw the first season of Project Runway. Was this the television show I was supposed to be on? It was madness! I probably would have fought with every designer there.  And Parsons? I was a graduate of F.I.T - Parsons was like Holy Water to Vampires for us. But it was the best show I had seen in a long time. I sooooo could have rocked that show - so could my husband. But for sure some great talent was there and the show has evolved and has acquired some dope designers.

I never made it Project Runway, but I will never forget that Tim Dunn thought my Littles was gorgeous and adorable. And thought my work was great as well. A small part of me takes pride in being at that audition.
6 seasons and 3 more kids later I still think that Tim Dunn must be a Broke Diva, too.
Who but a Broke Diva like me, would ever live by these words: "Make it work?"
 
True story.
tg

Into The Woods: From Brooklyn to Boondocks

Leave it up to a Broke Diva to manifest dreams. After loosing my last brain cell stressing out because we lived over a bunch of dead-beats AND we have 4 children that stomp, run and jump - we moved out of Hollywood. It became apparent to me that the maximum amount of kids in a multiple child household in LA is, 2. We have 4. So for months I was in a state of stress because all I wanted to do was find a way to get these babies a back yard. I was desperate, I even looked at places that had only a porch and thought - "well, they can scoot up and down the driveway..."




And then, I saw the ad - on craigslist.com. Perfect for a family that works from home, a 3 bed/2bath house on 11 acres. An old Arabian horse facility...horses? Well the husband will go crazy for this. Little did I know he had already seen this ad and pined over it for months but thought it was too far. Well it was too far for my taste. I was looking in West Hollywood, Silver Lake and Eagle Rock. I did not want to commute too far and I did not know that the LA area was so spread out and the prices were starting to get beyond the 2grand mark. I wanted to be out by May and it was getting close so why not take a look at the place in the middle of no where? We made arrangements with the 70 year old owner and headed out. I thought it was going to be a journey so I packed EVERY single snack we had and headed to the 99cent store for more! Map-quest said it was over an hour ride from Hollywood/Highland. I really did not want to commute for more than an hour for meetings but...



On the way up this San Francisquito Canyon Road (a mouthful - say it 3 times fast...) in the town of Santa Clarita - it was the most breath taking scene I have ever witnessed. We were driving through Angeles National Forest - a canyon forest! On this snake road carved out from way back when, the view of the rolling hills and mountains did me in. The kids were oohing and ahhing in the back of our mini van rental and they were excited to know exactly where we were going. We passed farms and equestrian trails and boarding facilities and beautiful homes I couldn't wait to see where our destination was. We finally found it and drove up the pine tree-lined road that lead to the house - it was a gorgeous site. The caretaker walked us around the property and explained the 11 acre spread. I dashed into the house and inspected the rooms and the gigantic fireplace, skylights and central air/heat. We went down to the running stream that supplied the property with water. No water bill - ever! AND we got up there in 45 minutes from the crazies on Hollywood Blvd. I thought - I'm gonna miss Spider-man and his eerily stained costume. The kids were running around the place and the husband said that Song Bird had a look that she knew she was home. At only $40 more than what we were paying for that 2 bedroom on "Tran-nie strip" - I'll take it!



We moved in 2 weeks later and it has been lovely ever since. We had to move out of the city in order to give a better life for the kids to enjoy. HOWEVER, if we were wealthy I would have had no problem with that $3.5million place in Malibu with plenty of room for horses and ATV's! Now that place was spectacular and overlooked PCH and the ocean...one day, one day. Now whenever we want to get a piece of LA we can get there in 45min and if we want to go further, no problem. I did find my old friends - the trusted 99cent store, Target, Trader Joes, Ross - all my old buddies are about 20 minutes from the house. I have been practicing my driving skillz as well so that is great to finally do at 32 years old (Damn you NYC and your hop-in-a-cab-and-go way of life)!



So that is how this Broke Diva escaped high rent and stopped being stressed out about not being able to get the kids out more often. Now they are out EVERYDAY and if they get on our nerves - we kick them out AND they can stomp, run and jump till they drop. I cannot tell you about the views here. They are gorgeous. Imagine waking up every morning to tons of pine and oak trees, the sounds of horses - wait, did I say horses? Well, this is a horse community and all of our neighbors have horses, goats, llamas and there is even an ostrich is across the street. When I sit at the kitchen table I see mountains and green trees everywhere. We have a raised deck and that is awesome to sit out and see the grounds with a cup of coffee or tea as you plan out the creative process of the day. There is got to be something fabulous about seeing REAL stars light up the night sky. I am inspired every here and that is the best for us. We can work and not be stressed out for the kids. I think I finally found the fabulous-ness I was searching for.



Now, let me tell you that I do have a husband that has over 15 years in his career in the animal care industry. When we lived in San Diego he was a full-time foal sitter taking care of horses and their foals at birth. He also has a dream of creating and owning an equestrian training facility and stable. Well, he too is a Broke Diva like me. Not long after we moved in, he adopted a Thoroughbred race horse named Western Starlite. She is beautiful. I always wanted a horse. Never had I imagined that I'd actually own one and to have my children experience it as well. Talk about being able to do for your kids what you never had...this horse is the most gentle beast. My husband's philosophy is to not cage the animal or keep it in stalls so that he can create the most natural experience for the horse. If you know anything about the race horse sport, there are concerns about the animals not being able to LIVE like a horse and may be the reason why so many popular race horses are not at their very best. Soooooo Western Starlite is free to roam the 11 acres as well as occasionally walking up the back patio to the back windows of the bedrooms to say - "Hay", I get a kick out of that. She comes up to the BBQ pit - which I help build - and hangs out with us. The husband "lunges" her and I have seen her run, she is super fast and loves the freedom. His goal is to breed her and produce the next Triple Crown Winner. Pretty ambitious, there has not been one since 1935 sometime. The cost to feed a horse is about $100 a month and that includes her beauty/cosmetic needs. To off-set some of the expense, homeboy is getting a weekend job! And I am starting to use the shampoo we bought her (NOT Mane n' Tale!) and the hoof shine/protector for my nails. I will let you know the results and put you on if it works out.



All in all some part of a dream has been manifested in moving here. The inspiration is endless and I am more than happy here. OK - I did spot a deer, some kind of prairie rodent and even a bobcat...but for some reason, I am not afraid of nature. My husband has also found that his dream manifest is happening as well. He has met so many great people in the industry already that respect what he is trying to do and are being very helpful in getting him started - for free. The magic word. Little Paw is enrolled in a charter home-school program with free tuition and books. So it all seems to be working out so far, even with the rough patches that we got over. The Artful Dodger stint is over (that's another story) and I am starting the kids line (read the next blog: http://littlesleotechnbird.blogspot.com).



The Broke Diva has a horse and lives in the Boondocks. I wonder how long will it take to ride out to Brooklyn? And oh yes, I am expecting a pair of kick-ass green cowboy boots to come from Brazil to inauguration this venture officially, cause I have to look fly even if I am all the way out here in the mountains.
Best!!!

Tanita

...How We Get By

Hello World - sometimes Broke Diva's or Diva's in general, can take you for granted. There has been 'nuff noise about your situation. However I feel like most of the ideas to be "Green" are pointless or have no grounds for common sense. Nor do they fit into my budget.



You All remember Blacky Chigurh? The gi-gantor Dobbie - well he has healed himself 100% and is back to being a pain in my ass. Anyway - short of dropping him off at the nearest pound, I walk him every morning with at least 2 plastic poop-bags that I "recycled" from grocery shopping. As I bend over to pick up the horse sized dog poop, I cant help but wonder - "Am I really helping the earth this way?" Plastic bags are not biodegradable - however I need to curb my dog. But what about if he shits on grass? Is his poop not good for the soil? Is it better to not pick up after him or fill the dumps with more waste that will just sit there for years and years to come? So - I decided not to pick up his poop if he goes on the dirt or the grass. I still think it's gross to walk down the street and see dog shit - don't be fooled, folks in Hollywood DO NOT CURB THEIR DOG'S! And I don't think it's because they feel an urge to give back to the earth - they just don't care if I step in FiFi's poo in my $450 Neil Barrett Pumas!



Anyway, the point is if I buy the eco-friendly poop bags - that is an added expense in itself.



Washing dishes has also been challenging to this Broke Diva's earthly conscious. If I wash them by hand I use too much water - however if I use the dishwasher I save more water use - but increase my energy usage and utility bill - that is also not in the budget. Somehow I have got to come to a happy medium. Driving cars, polluting the air, travel, making shoes, eating out, burning oil, burning money - this is how we get by. As Creative Director I have the opportunity to say how we operate. So I took it back to the old school - the time of pencil and drawing pad, marker paper and prisma colors. I thought, "here is a way I can conserve energy." But because everything is so rushed these days, I had to resort to using the computer more to render designs faster. But this is how we get by.



I try to conserve but it seems that the more I do the more I realize how much this Broke Diva does to the environment. Being broke forces you to be conservative and reuse and recycle. Hell, I recycle the kids clothes, there was one denim outfit that was used on all 4 of them! I recycle toys and make works of art, whatever I can, but I still feel like I am not even creating a dent, especially if we use the car too much or if I have the heat on all night because it gets hell-a cold.
Don't get me started on make-up and testing and the fact that rhino's and bears are becoming endangered.

I designed an eco-friendly shoe for Ed Hardy but no matter how much hemp was used or recycled rubber this and sustainable low ink that, could not compare to the toxins that exploded through the air from the manufacturing process.



How about the process used to print the paper that I attain from the bank on pay day? Or washing dishes by hand vs dishwasher - do I want to save water or save money? Poop on my shoes or poop trapped in a land-fill? Take the train to work and save on gas - but now that the NY MTA has raised the fare, how about just driving the car for the same price? An eco-friendly t-shirt at $40 or a not-so-friendly t-shirt at $20...This is how we get by.



How can a Broke Diva make a real difference? Perhaps the only way is to do as much as you can with what you can. Otherwise turn in your Matt Berson's for handmade mocs and head for the mountains - give up your blackberries, train some messenger pigeons and live off the fat of the land in your beautiful wooden lodge and brick burning fireplace. Wow, that sounds lovely. Wonder if those mocs come in pink? Well, now that would not be PC - that would require harsh dyes and chemicals...darn it!



tg

Happy New Year! The Broke Diva's guide to celebrating today...

- Wow, what a year for the BD; 4 magazine articles, a new baby, increased massive revenue for the designer gig, moved to LA, gave up the "too fast, too furious" Lancer (still vehicle-less thank goodness for the convenience of Hollywood), got juxed at work by some talentless nobody, got laid off (2 weeks before Christmas, thank you), turned down a job move to Seattle with NICE pay only to agree to start a new local Creative Director gig with small start up and sales percentage (sweet). However still unemployed, the kids gifts laid under an $85 live Christmas tree - a Broke Diva 'till the end.

Because I have not started the new job yet, I am so broke it ain't funny! I live for the 99.cent store! That has become my new home. In fact us Broke Diva's know this store all too well. It is the only store that you can spend 5 bucks on sanitary pads, lip gloss, socks, a box of teacher grade crayons and a bar of organic soybean chocolate! But this year is going to be the best. I feel it in my bones for everyone I know. And for all of you out there who feel like things cant get worse - well it does. It is not cute being broke with kids though. So I know the feeling of thinking things are going bad with major responsibilities hanging over the head. But I deeply believe that things have to get crazy before it gets calm. And things can get crazy. I mean unemployment denied crazy! Can you believe that? But We still have to find peace and time to celebrate the good things in life. We still have to learn from mistakes but we have to keep it movin'.

Some of you are doing quite well and enjoy your BD status at the moment - more power too you, hope your New Years Eve date went all out on you and your new dress. Some of you have finally got the "Single Ladies" dance down packed! Some of you are okay but looking for a change - a Barack Obama kind of change, some of you are really struggling and are stuck on stupid for some reason. Some of you Diva's are out of a job or taking a pay cut this year. It gets difficult trying to maintain your status and that can be hurtful and make you feel less worthy. There is something I like to call "Crazy before the Calm" Here is a tid-bit on how to achieve that calm finally.

Let me explain the power of Crazy before Calm with a story about my gigantor Doberman puppy, "Blackie Chigurh" (as in Anton Chigurh, the bad ass killer from No Country for Old Men).

Crazy: Just a few days before Christmas the hubby took the kids to pick up dinner and Blackie could not go. Now normally Blackie jumps at the window to see anyone off that leaves the house - normal dog behavior. But for some reason this night he was overly excited and really wanted to go with them. Blackie weighs about 50 lbs and stands up at around 5'9" on back legs. He was just turning 6 months at the time - a true puppy. However his size and over zealous activity catapulted his weight through our kitchen window. He clearly had no idea that his ramping and running around would send him to the hospital with a lacerated front femur. It was such a crazy thing. The sound of the glass shattering brought tears. I thought the absolute worse for our new puppy. I just knew Christmas was going to be a sad one. We Broke Diva's do not throw ourselves through a window but stressing out does have a way of making us want to hurl ourselves off a short bridge!

Calm: Blackie is now confined to the kids larger bathroom with ceramic tile that stays cool. This room is ideal for him to recover due to the cool flooring helps to keep infection from setting in. He has spent some time in there recuperating from his injury. Time spent to recover his mind, his body, his heart and his behavior (he seems to understand his situation and responds more positively to his training commands). Like Blackie, we all need time to recover ourselves emotionally, physically and mentally. We need time to heal - but we don't need to loose our spirit in the process. Blackie bucks and jumps and cry's at the door to come out. When we grant him the chance to come out - only for a bit so he does not re-injure his leg - he is that same rocket that went through the damn window! His injury hadn't broken his spirit at all. For him the only thing that is broke is the bank. He is still that happy ginormous pup that we all love. His situation has taught me that Broke doesn't mean broken. Once you understand that - you are well on your way to keeping it together. If you give yourself time to get calm and keep that same vitality that made you the diva you are, you can kick stress in the ass! So search far and wide for that massage clinic coupon at the local gym or cash in your holiday gift card to the nearest nuerologist or fortune teller and get healed.

Release.

I have not written a New Year's resolution. I think those things are no good. My mom has put "stop smoking" on her resolution list for the last 15 years. They don't work. I propose a TO DO LIST and on that list #1 should be CELEBRATE TODAY. When I get my first paycheck my #1 will be shopping. I cannot wait to help the economic crisis with my earnings. I have earned the right to shop. Too much crazyness went down the past few months and I am making a list of the places to go. I am torturing myself now by web-browsing or "on-line window shopping" to get me hyped up. But I will put a few coins in the savings 'cause I am a grown up Broke Diva who has seen the power of "Keep the change" from BofA and it is a wondrous power, indeed.

So pop open that teeny bottle of liquor you saved from your holiday flight, smoke sumthin' good, enjoy your family and live life knowing that things will get better. There are so many things to be grateful for, like breath for instance. Think positive thoughts always and great things will happen. And lay up - unemployment has been extended to a whole full year! So tell the boyfriend to relax and use this year to define you and go after what you want.

Blackie's release date is the week I start my new job. I cant wait to see him run around again. I cant wait to get back to the goal of taking over the world. The new window is now double paned.

Celebrate today Diva, celebrate everyday.


HOW DID YOU CELEBRATE THE COMING YEAR? LET ME KNOW...